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My world my place,
Is normal to me yet odd to everyone out of it.
My blood on the paths I walk,
Are smeared every were.
I walk on my blood and life,
In my land my world.
Dripping gradually I kiss the stars,
As their light kisses my face.
Everything in here,
To me is trapped in my soul.

My world her place
Reveals a thick layer of wealth.
Superficiality reeks from house to house,
Where a hoax of faces are disguised in glam
The streets she walks upon are concreted in elegance.
In my world, her place
Independence is flushed with value.
The sky she walks under
Is expensive yet comfortable.
Everything in here to her is trapped,
An up town covered fence from reality

His place has value in the heart and hands,
The hands which built and the hands which fight
It is erected in a man made world,
But it crumbles away…
So this place which scars us all and the people in it,
Bears on me like a big weight of respect.
Sometimes drugs jump on us as do the alcohol,
Spilling life out of the youth.
Unnatural killer it is,
Giving no comfort and smiles just dead laughs.

Her place lacks in heart,
where his place gains euphoria.
Smiles becomes power,
humanity balances one realm.
Two dimensions, one world
are so remotely divided.
Outsiders in one heaven,
strangers in one sphere
©2004-2009 ~jackio37
:iconjackio37:

Author's Comments

In my land my world.
Dripping gradually I kiss the stars,
As their light kisses my face.
Everything in here,
To me is trapped in my soul.
---
I did this with
Stock taken from here: [link]
Stock supplier:
Comments are appreciated like favs, I hope you enjoy.

Comments


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:icondragonesstawnya:
To me, this might sound better as a prose piece, but that could just be me. I do like this the way it is, though I think it could use some more description. But again that could just be me. I think you have a lot of talent as a poet. I really enjoy reading your poems. They are all great in their own way. Very unique, this is. Keep it up!

:thumbup:

--
~Tawnya~

"My Goddess is my saving Grace; in Her presence, I shall not fail. She leadeth me beside the running waters; She maketh me to lie down in them. She restoreth my Soul. I fear nothing, and embrace Life, for Thou art with me, Goddess."
:icondragonesstawnya:
:thumbsup: **

GAH! Stupid emoticons... er... stupid keyboard... or something... oh well :!:

:hug:

--
~Tawnya~

"My Goddess is my saving Grace; in Her presence, I shall not fail. She leadeth me beside the running waters; She maketh me to lie down in them. She restoreth my Soul. I fear nothing, and embrace Life, for Thou art with me, Goddess."
:iconemotionalrun:
Her place lacks in heart,
where his place gains euphoria.
Smiles becomes power,
humanity balances one realm.
Two dimensions, one world
are so remotely divided.
Outsiders in one heaven,
strangers in one sphere

OMFG i love this poem, it is a fav for sure XD like ive always said u cease to amaze me with your work :D awesome job

--
I fell in love with a girl named autumn
:iconbongobill:
I'll be back to give this a thorough review - for now, let me just begin by saying that it seems to be trying to put a powerful, emotional metaphor in a very distant, aloof poem. It seems as if the poem is trying to explain the metaphor rather than simply present it.

--
...but is it art?
:iconestur:
I do like this one....The first stanza sounded a bit too far fetched, but you definatley wrote some beautiful imagry and a potent message here!
Keep it up!
God Bless

--
"I saw this field that grew perfection, full of things you do..." -Boxcarracer: "Watch The World"

"Poetry is the opening and closing of a door, leaving those who look through to guess what is seen during a moment."
-Carl Sandburg
:icondreamdragon:
iiiiinteresting...very iiinteresting poem you've done here, jack. The style is layed out well, then agian...how would i know? bleh, all i know is that i like it! :nod: :D

--
"Love vanquishes time. To lovers, a moment can be eternity, eternity can be the tick of a clock." –Mary Parrish
:iconjackio37:
:bow: Thankyou, yeh I like this peice alot. I am proud of myself.

--
Back and in white.
:iconjackio37:
A fav,yeh remember. This isnt all mine, my mate helped me here. I put her in my artists comment. She is to be looked upon too :D

--
Back and in white.
:iconjackio37:
O ok thanks, I await your main comment then. :)

--
Back and in white.
:iconjackio37:
Well I am glad you liked it, and thanks for your time reading this. :handshake:

--
Back and in white.

Details

October 31, 2004
1.6 KB
50.4 KB
300×449

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